Diaper Sharingan!
by Crystal-Psycho
Summary: A new threat is arriving Konoha: Itachi in his diapers. A simple mistake in Sasuke’s and Naruto’s ninjutsu causes a few… problems. And guess who'll have to babysit him? [SasuNaru XD and my lovely pairings!]
1. Oops

__

_By Crystal-Psycho_

**Disclaimer**: ah, yeah. It's too obvious that I don't own them.

**Full Summery**: A new threat is arriving Konoha; Itachi in his diapers. A simple mistake in Sasuke's and Naruto's ninjutsu causes a few… problems. (SasuNaru XD and my lovely pairings!)

**MY Note**: Ah, the joys of writing! I needed a break from my other story! I will continue it eventually, but I'm still feeling a tad uncomfortable since the chapter that I'm spouse to be writing is going to be a Yaoi one and I'm just practicing making the scene more exciting. . anyway, from being very bored on my math class I accidentally drew a baby sitting and playing with his toy in diapers. Funny thing is, he looked exactly like Itachi! And then the calls in my brain started to work and I just had to write it down!

ENJOY!

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**Chapter one: Oops.**

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Naruto snored out a laugh and put another piece of bread in Gaara's nose. This can't get anymore funnier. It seemed that the guy was never drunk in his whole life, and never had a good nap before at all. 

So the concept 'asleep like a rock' was fitting him right now exactly. Itachi and Kisame were probably still resting, so why the hack not.

Gaara let out a snort with some mumble about Shogi. Naruto snickered quietly and shove bread piece in his ear.

"Naruto, Gaara! Wake up we have to go-" Kisame entered the room to see Naruto sitting on the sand Nin and sticking bread pieces to every hole Gaara had.

Kisame wouldn't be surprised if he knew he pushed some bread into the redhead ass.

"What's going on here?" Itachi opened the boor wider to see Naruto smiling goofily on top of the redhead.

He sighed deeply and growled. "I told you not to take Gaara too but nooooo would you listen to Kisame?"

"Shut up. Naruto get off of him." Itachi ordered instantly, like a general of some great army.

"Aye aye, SIR." Naruto jumped on his feet, still snickering. In the process he shook Gaara.

Gaara's eyes shot open and he stood up like a soldier on a mission. "What the…?" a few bread pieces flew from his nose to the floor. He glared at the blonde, which tried – his best, mind you - not to laugh. "You fox!" He blamed, scattering the bread off him, to find out he has bread in his ears too. "You Raccoon!" Naruto mimicked.

Itachi sighed once more. The more time these two spent together the more he wanted to commit a suicide. Kisame is driving him insane with his 'have you had a bath already, Itachi-sama? Why aren't you eating, Itachi-sama? Itachi-sama, Do you want me to rub your back? Don't do unprotected sex, Itachi-sama! Wash your hands before you eat, Itachi-sama.' Itachi occasionally thinks that Kisame is his mother. The thought makes him shudder.

Itachi and the other members of the Akatsuki thought it was a blessing that Naruto joined them. Of course, it didn't just happened; the boy is most stubborn thing on the planet, and he wouldn't leave his precious Konoha for nothing –nothing except Sasuke. Itachi knew approximately that the only reason for Naruto to join the Akatsuki had to be Sasuke. After his little brother left to be Orochimaru's pet, they had a several fights – and whenever they fought, Naruto wasn't as strong as Sasuke.

When Naruto joined the Akatsuki, the organization became a joke. Konoha didn't move a finger, knowing that if Naruto is with them then there is no danger. AND HE HAD SUCH A GREAT PLANS FOR THAT TOWN! Of course, he had planned the destruction of the hidden leaf, and the Akatsuki agreed on the plan until Naruto came along. Again, that kid is stubborn like a horse ass and persuaded each of the Akatsuki to not do so, one after another they sighed and nodded their heads –and that wasn't because he was stubborn. It was because he was so damn pretty. That boy, with a fox demon inside of him, only 16 of age was the most damn beautiful Akatsuki member. The others were drooling and obeying him. They practically licked the places on which he stepped on, worshiped his ass (It's scary. really, they have pictures of it.) and almost fainted when he passed them in the hall, smiled and waved in happiness. If he had blessed them in a 'good morning' then they went (all week) grinning like maniacs.

To his horror, they had planted things like hair brushes or useless things like that on the road, and waited until Naruto came, then they would ask him politely to pick it up. But Naruto didn't even notice the drooling, the carving and the whimpers of delight when he bent down to pick it up. That 16 years old boy is as dense as a rock.

He doesn't pay much attention to others then to Gaara, because he loves Gaara like a brother, and the redhead is protective about him – they are brothers, maybe not in blood, but at heart.

"Oh, oh! That's tickling!" Naruto giggled under Gaara. "If I wanted to watch you making out, I would've said so." Itachi growled, lifting Gaara by the collar from Naruto, like he was light as a feather. "We need to go, Itachi-sama." Kisame piped from the door. "I know, Kisame. I know." The Uchiha sighed deeply.

689

"No."

"Yes."

"I said, NO."

"And I said, YES."

"Sasuke. No is a NO."

"Orochimaru-sama. Even if you are not willing, I will go out. I must get fresh air. This, _grave_… I am full of dead stench and I stink like mold. I _need_ fresh air."

"You may go." Orochimaru said, after long hesitation. "But Sasuke… If you'll disappear, you shall be hunted and when you'll be found the rotting stench of the dead, which you talk such a belittlement will be stinking from your body." Sasuke smirked. "I may delay." He said teasingly and stalked off the room. Kabuto appeared from the shadows. "Should I follow him?"

"No. He just misses his fox demon, let him be. He'll come back beaten, but pleased, so prepare him a few bandages."

Sasuke kept the smirk on his face while roaming around the deep forest. He could wait until he'll see Naruto in his Akatsuki cloth! He always secretly admired how the blonde looked in black – and it will be black with red clouds! Imagine how awesomely delightful will it be! He snickered to himself while skipping from tree to tree.

Last time he saw the blonde, he had became really good looking, well, he still had his boyish pouting face with the whiskers marks, but that what makes Naruto – Naruto.

Yet the boy had grown powerful. While Sasuke stayed by Orochimaru his power did developed; but only to some level and Naruto were more powerful then that level last time Sasuke saw him. A snicker once again escaped his lips when he thought of Naruto last time he saw him, he just joined the Akatsuki, god. That little innocent mutt was so cute – his eyes grew wide when he saw Sasuke and a smile almost escaped his smile until he frowned.

'You idiot, stupid piece of shit! Are you enjoying the ass-rape Orochimaru is giving you?'

Yes, he had remembered these words like it happened seconds ago. He was so full of excitement; he had developed a new technique just for him! Oh... he would like to molest that cute little ass of his... _ah_...

689

"Itachi…" the blonde whimpered, clinging to the man. "Where Gaa-chan and Kis-chan did went? We should look for them 'tachi!" He mewled, like a little fox with huge blue clear eyes. "Maybe they took the other road."

"Then why didn't we take that road! It's so scary in this forest! I feel like somebody is watching me!"

"But you don't feel when they drool on your ass, when you turn-" Itachi mumbled, "What was that…? I didn't hear you." Naruto said, worriedly, looking around. "Nothing." Itachi sighed. Being with the blonde made his head hurt.

Suddenly Naruto stopped. He sniffed the air, like a hunt-hound, and lowered his head to the ground like an animal. "What is it…?" Itachi rolled his eyes. Naruto's eyes looked up at him, Red flame eyes replaced the blue sky eyes. "An Uchiha. Sasuke!" He quickly jumped into air, and started leaping in an amazing speed from tree to tree.

Naruto know he had the instincts of a demon inside of him, he learned how to use it, but it wasn't fully under his control and usually it just get out when he was angry or troubled by something.With the Akatsuki he learned the cruelty of the battle, the amazing speed he can get to and his smell sense and hearing improved.

He came into a clearing and the sun stung his eyes, but he saw the figure that had her back to him, in his white, now gray, pants. "Sasuke!" he called, panting from the run. "Ah, nice of you to join me." Sasuke turned around, he had grown a lot – he looked like a man in his 17, he lost all the child features. but then again... who wouldn't?

"You look ridicules in the Akatsuki cloak."

"You look like a fucking preset with that… purple belt… or whatever it is on your hips. So you joined the sound."

"No."

"No?" a tingle of hope glowed in Naruto's eyes. "So how have you been, bastard? Still enjoying the rapes? Did he remove your dick by now? I think it's quite disturbing to Orochimaru when you do it."

"Ah, Naruto. You were always blessed in such a rude mouth. I see you brought my sweet brother with you." Sasuke glanced at Itachi who was leaning on some random tree near the clearing, resolving some unsolved issues with his nails. Itachi blinked; "Just get this over with. So I can carry Naruto and you can go back bleeding -like always- to your hole." He returned to his nails.

"At least he's better then Orochimaru and a better Uchiha then you!" Naruto stuck his tongue out and Sasuke frowned. "You prefer that blood carving bastard then me?"

"Yeah! Right 'tachi?" Naruto sent the olderUchiha a wink. Itachi blinked again.

Deep fury breached from Sasuke like a huge explosion.

"What is it, Sasuke? Oh my… it's jealousy… but that can be! How could you, a mighty, beautiful (snobish, stuck up)Uchiha like yourself fall in love with me? I know you liked my butt since the day you kissed me… back then in the class room!"

"You were the one who was pushed in to me!" Sasuke replied, yelling. "Ha! I remember it clearly! You took me by my collar and pulled me onto your lips!"

"I did not!"

"Yes, you did! Uzumaki has a good memory!"

Itachi sighed; they were acting like 13 years old. _Again_. Why couldn't this nightmare end? Why? "Naruto. Get this over with! NOW!"

"Umm… 'tachi is right. Shall we dance?"

"With pleasure!"

The fight continued a few minutes until the both started to pant and their breathes turned to heavy. "Dear, Kitsune. You suck like always." Sasuke liked his bloody lip.

"You're not better. You stink. How many days you didn't had shower, Sasuke? A month? A year?" Naruto wiped his sweat with the back of his hand.

"Very mature." Sasuke commented, standing into battle position again. "If you would like to know I have developed a new technique!" he smirked, making Naruto wince.

"So did I! So did I!" Naruto stuck his tongue out again. Sasukeswayed his hair;"Why won't I test it now?"

"I'll test my now! You wait for your turn!"

"But I was the first to bring up the topic!" Sasuke growled. "SO I go first!" he added, stretching his hand. "No, I go first because I said I was the first!"

"WHY DON'T YOU TEST IT IN THE SAME TIME, GOD DAMN IT!" Itachi yelled, he was sitting in the clearing now, bored to his bone.

"Fine, why don't we?" Sasuke smirked.

And the both spun in unbelievable speed, flames and thunders, red and silver. Itachi blinked seeing the colorful lights moving too close to him. VERY CLOSE.The powerful lights had been too quick, even for the mighty Uchiha. The lights hit each other, nothing but two balls of colorthat created a huge wave on the forest.

Both the Uchiha and the Uzumaki fall on their feet, panting, tired; they stood up to finish what they started as soon as the dust that flew around will dissipate.

As the dust dissipated Naruto grinned to smirking Sasuke. "Not dead yet, bastard?"

"It's not that easy to kill me, Naruto. You should know that."

A low mewl was heard on the ground and the both blinked. "Mommy?" was heard in a low choked voice. "Mommy where are you?" a yell of a child was heard. Sasuke was the first one to notice.

His own big brother, the one hated, was sitting on the grass and looking exactly like he only saw him in pictures.

Little, small, tiny, chibi, WHAT THE HACK!

"OMG!" Naruto smiled, and picked the baby up. "You little cutie, from where did you came from?" he asked, embracing him softly. "Who awe you, mister?" The baby asked, his language still proper. "Naruto… that's my…"

"Mommy! I want my mommy!" the child yelled, struggling out of Naruto's embrace. Naruto patted his on the back. "It's okay, boy…" he smiled faintly. "Naruto that's my brother." Sasuke sighed. "You have other brothers then 'Tachi? He's so cute!" Naruto played with the long midnight colored silky hair. "No." Sasuke sighed, taking another step towards the both. "That's Itachi." Silence stroke the forest like in a tomb.

"**WHAT**?"

**TBC**

**yay! So… what do you think about it? I hope you liked it! I'm gonna update as quick as I can! Really! Thanx for reading! **

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	2. Parenting issues

_**Diaper Sharingan**_

_By Crystal-Psycho_

**Disclaimer**: we all know the truth, although it's painful. I own nothing. T.T

**MY note: **woohoo! No warning but a brutal language… mmm… thank you everybody for reviewing! Thank you, thank you, and thank you! –Smooch-♥

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Chapter 2: Parenting issues.

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The fifth Hokage of Konoha tried her best not to laugh. She had her cheeks swollen with air to stop her from doing so. Unfortunately it was a very hard task to Shizune; she ran out of the room moments ago and hysterical laughter filled the hallways of Hokage tower. 

"Tsunade-baa-chan!" Naruto pointed an accusing finger to Itachi who was sitting on Sasuke's head, giggling and playing with his hair. "Sasu'e! Sasu'e bunny!" Itachi chirped, taking the dark bangs to his hands and pulling them like they were ears.

"Turn him back!" Naruto demanded. Sasuke growled, not looking so happy. "This is humiliating. Why am I to be seen in this village? And worst of all with my… _baby_ brother." He crossed his arms. "I'm going to Orochimaru."

"Yeah, you go. It's better to be raped then face your responsibility," Naruto sighed, waving his hand. "Are you saying I'm a coward that can't face his responsibilities?" Sasuke's eyes narrowed.

"Of course I am, '_Oh, look I'm an Uchiha and my brother killed all my family, oh… I'm so miserable, angst, angst, angst. Oh I want to go to my beloved Orochimaru-sama… oh I love so much when he rapes me… ohhhhhh…_' you're so pathetic." Naruto mimicked him melodramatically.

"_Oh look I'm Naruto Uzumaki and I'm so weak… but I want to be the Hokage of Konoha. Ramen, Ramen, Ramen, and also I want to marry Sakura and beat Sasuke who is much, much better then I will ever be – but I won't admit that! Ramen, ramen, ramen_." Sasuke replied.

"What's wrong with ramen, you horse–ass?" glare.

"You brain is made out of noodles, you dimwit. That's what wrong." narrowed eyes.

"Why don't you go fuck a shoe?"

"Why don't you go fuck a bowl of Ramen?"

"Would you stop?" Tsunade cleared her throat. "Now, let's get to business, let me examine him." She took Itachi from Sasuke. "You two can…" she giggled, taking the boy out of the room. "Just sit around." As she closed the door she burst into laughter.

Scary Itachi of the Akatsuki as a child, Sasuke Orochimaru's pet and Naruto. Oh come on, who wouldn't laugh?

"What's so funny, anyway?" Naruto asked while putting his legs on the desk. "You. You look ridiculous with that Akatsuki cloak."

"Now we're repeating ourselves, huh ass-hole?"

"OIIIII! NARUTOOOOO!" the doors swung open. "Kiba-chan! Neji! Lee!" Naruto leaped at them. "I missed you guys so much!"

"The spirit of youth brought him back!"

"It's fate, I tell you!"

"Akamaru smelled your scent and I said that…"

"No, it's the spirit of youth!  
"It's fate, there is no such thing as the spirit of youth!"

"It's impossible that you're here, but you're really here!"

"We need to celebrate!"

"Hinata will be so happy to see you!"

"Wow, wow guys… guys… I'm choking here!" after they all backed down from hugging him.

"OMG! That's the Uchiha!" Kiba pointed an accusing finger on Sasuke who leaned on the wall and watched dumbly from the corner. "Is that Itachi? No way…" they started to mumble and whisper between them. Sasuke felt like a child without friends again.

But it didn't matter much. Nothing mattered now, as long as this nightmare will be over…

"Nope, that's the mighty Uchiha Sasuke Orochimaru's sex-pet. You remember him from the academy days… yeah. That bastard Sasuke!" Naruto introduced. Again whispers. Kiba winced and shut Naruto's mouth. "Do you know what he'll do to you? He'll rip your head off! Shino said that on one of his missions in the sound country, he saw Sasuke training and he ripped heads like it was dolls and he also said there were blood everywhere and the stench of death…"

Sasuke smirked proudly; at least they were frightened from him, ah. That's a nice feeling. "Wha? That snake-shit?" Naruto pulled his cheek, almost ripping it. "Nah. That bastard wouldn't touch a fly. Look at his he's sooooo cute." He stretched Sasuke's lips into a smile.

"Naruto, I'll _kill_ you!" Sasuke spat trying to catch the blonde but he already ran away and sat, giggling, on the chair. "Come on in. he won't hurt you." He laughed. "Hurt you. That's a joke…" he mumbled through giggles. "Any way," Kiba sent Sasuke a scared look. "How have you been? Did they treat you well?"

"Yeah, they treat me pretty good. I don't get that much ramen as I would like but… Sasori sometimes brings me Ramen! And it's delicious!" Naruto laughed.

"Ramen-dick." Sasuke snorted.

"Don't you have a rape to attend? Huh?" Naruto threw a pen from the table at him. Sasuke caught and smirked smugly.

"Why don't we go celebrate? In Ichiraku's (sp?)!"

"Ohhhh! Ichiraku's! The best place on the plant! Mmm… but I have to wait till Hokage orders."

"Why? Have you done something wrong…again?" Neji asked sighing. "No!" Naruto giggled. "Well, sort of… We turned Itachi into a baby." He scratched his head sheepishly. Kiba and Lee burst into laughing and Neji hit his head with his hand.

"We? It's your fault, dumb-ass; I'm only here because he's my brother."

"How it's my fault, you bastard?"

"You're the one who had a load of genjutsu in your new technique, noodle-brain!"

"I don't use genjutsu! You hit him with your energy ball, MONKEY-FACE!"

"Fucking ramen addict!"

"Jerk!"

"Idiot!"

"traitor!"

"dumb-ass!"

"You don't have a dick!"

"You don't have brains!"

Neji, Lee and Kiba followed from Sasuke to Naruto, from Naruto to Sasuke. "I left you only for a few minutes, for god's sake! Don't kill each other! You're acting like you're 12 again!" Tsunade appeared at the entrance of the room with Itachi in her hands. "Oh! Miste' with white eyes!" Itachi giggled in her hands and reached out to Neji. Neji smiled faintly. "Who is this cute boy?"

"Itachi."

Neji and Kiba winced and perked into the corner. "This is Youth! The Youth made Itachi good again!" Lee exclaimed.

"Actually no, that's Naruto with his stupid carefree nature and Sasuke with his dangerous unfinished technique." She sat at her sit and sighed deeply. "You two are in serious troubles. Itachi was turned back in time to his childhood. He doesn't remember anything or anyone except Sasuke, because Sasuke had the strongest connection with him. You're both blamed for this." She glared at Sasuke and Naruto. "Sasuke you used an unfinished technique you developed from Kakashi's technique and Orochimaru's powers. And you Naruto used the evoluted Rasengan but you couldn't control it. And that cost this." She peered down on Itachi. "So I guess you'll have to stay in the village until I'll figure something out."

"I will NOT stay in this village!" Sasuke roared.

"Too bad… you have to; you're the only one who he remembers. You'll be guarded night and day by the ANBU squads so don't try anything stupid."

"Oh, I'm a prisoner too? I never was a prisoner! I'll get to see ANBUs all over me!" Naruto exclaimed. "Not you, Naruto! You never officially left Konoha." Tsunade sighed. "Ah, right… did I come that much for visits?" He asked dumbly. "Too much by my opinion. You could've just… stay where you were and everybody would've been happy." She mumbled. "WHAT WAS THAT? YOU OLD HAG!"

"HOW DID YOU CALL ME?"

689

"Say Naruto. Na-ru!"

"Nalu!" Itachi squealed, grinning.

"Sasuke, he said my name! He said my name!" Naruto took Itachi in his hands. "So what, ramen-dick? He's five years old!" Sasuke took a box and went into the house. "Who's a good boy? Huh?" Naruto played with him by tossing him in air and catching him. Itachi laughed in his squeaky voice.

"You'll drop him and he'll cry." Sasuke sat, smirking, on the seventh box. He wore a normal white shirt that was wet with his sweat. "Mmm… go to take a shower. Do you have a shower in this house?"

"No. there is only room for ramen and sex in there." Sasuke sarcastically commented. "That's very… bothering." Naruto went into the house with Itachi. "Sasu'e bunny! Loo' Nalu! Sasu'e bunny!" He squeaked, reaching the toy Tsunade gave them to Sasuke.

"Yeah it is, isn't it?" he sighed taking the toy.

"OH MAN! YOUR HOUSE IS HUGE!" Naruto yelled.

"Come here Itachi." Sasuke took the boy from Naruto's hands. "Thank god mother kept my small bed and cloth. I would be so humiliated to go to a shopping with Naruto…" He mumbled. "I heard that you snake-shit!" Naruto replied and slumped on the couch.

"Ah… where is my room bastard?"

"Well since you're the citizen of Konoha you can find your own place to crush." Sasuke said from some room. Naruto sat up. "Don't be such a prick. No wait, you are a prick. Hang on. I'm trying to think of an insult for you." He stood up, stretching his body.

"You are allowed to come here in the after noon." Sasuke continued.

Naruto stomped to the hall way. "You're such a bitch, Uchiha."

"Hay, Naruto?" Sasuke's voice asked when Naruto just came to the door to punch him.

"Do you think he needs diapers?"

"NO! No diapews! No, No!" Itachi squealed. Naruto hesitated for a second. "Nah, he's a big boy, right?"

"WRIGHT!" the boy nodded his head. He was sitting in the little cute bed in the purple colored room. "Naruto raffled his hair. "Such a good boy you are." Itachi giggled in respond. "An Uchiha giggling, disgrace for Humanity." Sasuke stood up. "You're a disgrace for humanity." Naruto showed him his pink tongue. "Oh well…" the Kyuubi container sighed. "Do you have a TV here? What is this place anyway?"

"My house, moron." Sasuke followed him out of the room to the living room. "No. what I meant was what kind place it is with out a TV?"

"A place suitable for a child."

"A child which didn't have TV, he'll be a freak of nature."

"Are you telling me I was a freak of a nature?"

"Of course! If not me you'll be out of society! Face it; I AM your ONLY friend." Naruto slumped on a dark colored couch, facing the fire place and the huge Uchiha symbol painting above him.

"_I AM_…?" Sasuke sat by him, smirking.

"Why are you repeating my words, bastard?"

"You said _I AM_. In present." Sasuke continued. Yes, he likes to smirk, deal with it. Naruto turned to him. Why was he sitting so close? Their arms were brushing softly agents each other.

"Yeah. That's what I---" a pause for the crimson taint the blonde's cheeks. "You know what I meant!" Naruto jerked up. "Are you afraid of sitting next to me?"

"NO!" he flushed even more and strolled unconsciously more away from Sasuke. "Then what is it, Naruto? Why are you so nervous suddenly?" Sasuke stood up, his smirk grew wider. "It was a _was_, _WAS_ I tell you!" Naruto hided his face.

"What's wrong, Dick-head, why are you blushing?" Sasuke's hand lifted Naruto's chin gently. Naruto looked dazed in Sasuke's eyes.

"Sasu'e, Nalu, I wanna eat!" Itachi interpreted the moment. Naruto jerked away, hitting Sasuke in the process. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, YOU BASTARD!"

689

In the other side of the town a crowd of squealing girls had gathered… the horror.

The horrible horror. Citizens of Konoha had run out of their way, afraid.

In the Kitchen of a building with an Uchiha sign on him –Not so far way - stood open boxes, clean dishes piled on the counters and the kitchen cupboards were still empty. A baby was sitting on the table, the baby – all in his glory of his five years – gnawed a carrot, smirking and dangling furiously his legs from the table. By the table, on the only chair in the kitchen sat a blonde, fussing and cursing towards the dark haired Uchiha, who folded his arms on his chest, sighing.

They weren't aware of the danger. Pity.

"Children don't eat carrots, you sick fuck." Naruto spat.

"I don't know what kids eat, dumb-ass. I only remember that mother called him sometimes a bunny because he liked carrots when he was little."

"Probably when he was older, shit-head."

"How should I know, dimwit?"

"You're his brother, butt-face."

"Ramen-dick."

"Gay fucker."

"Idiot."

"Jerk."

"Blockhead."

Suddenly the door ball ringed. Sasuke sighed, "I wish it was your grim reaper. I'll go open him the door and greet him."

"Go fuck a snake!" Naruto retorted. Sasuke smirked and opened the door. "Is it mommy, Nalu? Did mommy come for a visit?" Itachi asked innocently from the kitchen. "I don't know…"

"_SASUKE-KUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN_!"

"Holy fuck!" Sasuke closed the door. "Sakura-chan!" Naruto grinned, knowing the voice. "Open the door, dick-head!" He pushed Sasuke from the door way. "Naruto!" Sakura's voice squealed. "Naru!" Ino joined in. "Na-Naruto-k-kun…" Hinata's voice joined in too.

"How have you been?" Sakura asked concerned. "Those creeps treated you well?"

"Yeah, I'm fine!" the blonde giggled childishly. "Why there is such a big crowed?" he scanned through most of the female population in Konoha. "Well… we came to see…" She looked shyly at the opened door. "Ah!" Naruto laughed. "Um…Sasuke darling, don't be shy. Come; show your face, bastard."

"Don't wanna. Itachi want...eh… to play." Came a replay. Naruto sighed. "But I kept the promise, right?" He smiled to Sakura. "Sasuke, You shy-ass." Naruto went in and looked at Sasuke scared in the corner. "Don't let them in, they're scaring me…"

"Oh man. Stay that way. I'm going to get my camera." The blonde snorted.

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**TBC**

**Darn it! It's finished! I had troubles with that chapter! My friend promised to be my beta, but she needed to go with her father for a business trip to NY. And I say, darn it! I rewrote it five times… this times it at least looks readable. On one of the other times I had a sentence like that; "**Kiba wairst, and shut Naruto's tongue.**" When I read it I burst out laughing. I think it maybe the lack of sleeping. **

**DON'T BE MEANNNNN AND REVIEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW**

**Reviewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!♥♥♥**


	3. Itachi's Stars

_**Diaper Sharingan**_

_By Crystal-Psycho_

**Disclaimer: **Sadly, I still don't own Naruto. But I might have suspicions that Sasuke does. I mean, there are so many times when Sasuke and Sakura are alone and then suddenly: "Where's Naruto?" or "Don't tell Naruto." Chill Sasuke, we know you have issues.

**Note**: Ummm… maybe some unexpected fluff or worse! I'm sorry for the late update! My parents took me to a vacation to Greece! And I hoped we'll have a computer somewhere in the hotal, but there weren't. SORRY! Muahahaha! God. I'm so tiered. T.T ENJOY!

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Chapter 3: Itachi's Stars.

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Sasuke woke up to the sound of crying and wailing. He diverted his head from the digital clock to the window. The neon letters said 5:03 and the sun hasn't raise fully yet. The gravitation pulled his head towards his warm pillow.

Ah, the pillow smelt great… like chocolate and honey… and miso… just like Naruto. Sasuke smugly smiled and buried him self deeper in blankets. "Sasu'e! Sasu'e!" Itachi's squeaky voice shrieked.

Sasuke sighed again. It's been a whole week. He can't keep up with this. He doesn't have the strength to keep up with this. He might be the very _mighty, cruel, harsh_ _without-a-heart Uchiha_ that everyone expect him to be, or whatever comes with those tittles but Dammit! Naruto's room is far from Itachi's but his own room is just next to the other Uchiha.

His bare feet touched the floor. He haven't slept a few nights now, Itachi would wake up three times and call for Sasuke or mommy. Lately he even called Naruto.

He didn't even bothered to put something on and walked to the next room. "What's wrong?" he asked and opened the light. "I… I ha' a dweam and you sai' you'll 'ill me and Nalu sai' that he doesn't wub me. Why doesn't Nalu wub me, Sasu'e?" a few tears escaped his coal eyes, and more threatened to get out.

"No, No. don't cry…" Sasuke found out a breathtaking fact, during this week; he wasn't good with children. "That was a nightmare. Oh man, you pissed all over. Damn it."

After putting everything in the dirty laundry basket in the laundry room he changed Itachi while scolding him. God, he hated this. And that old hag is probably sitting in her royal chair with Shizune and the both of them laughing their guts out. "You're five years old, be a good boy or you'll have to wear diapers again."

"No… I want mommy!" he yelled. Sasuke banged his head on the wall. "Mommy isn't going to come! I've told you thousands times now! Mommy is not coming back. You killed her."

Another spray of tears trickled down his face. "I didn't, I didn't! Stop saying that I 'illed mommy!" He shrieked again. Sasuke sighed deeply before taking him into his arms.

"There." Sasuke smirked. "That's mommy from now on." He whispered to Itachi. "That's Nalu." Itachi gave his brother a dry glare. "Yeah. Naru is your new mommy. Ok?"

Itachi nodded, smiling. Sasuke wiped his tears with his white shirt. "But shhh. Mommy sleeps now." he glanced at Naruto.

He was laying peacefully on the matters of the king size bed; wrapped in the blankets like there have been WW3 on his bed. One of his pillows was on his knees and he held the other like a child to his chest he was sleeping on the blanket as support.

Sasuke yawned. "Ok, let's put you to bed because I really want to sleep."

"Noooo…" he whined, clinging onto the older looking Uchiha's neck. Sasuke put him onto Naruto's bed, sighing. "You can bug mommy, I want to sleep." He turned around but Itachi caught his sleeve. "Then why 'on't you sleep with mommy?" he glanced at Naruto.

Sasuke smirked… though it was a point where he neither cared nor wanted to care he crawled on bed and snitched away the pillow Naruto had on his knees. Naruto mewled and cuddled to Itachi, hugging him lightly.

Sasuke sighed. He needed to sleep.

689

Kakashi had heard from Sakura and Tsunade when he came back from a mission that two of his ex-students and Itachi are in town. He roamed in the hallways of the Uchiha manor an hour or two now with a camera. Of course, then he remembered what Iruka said about other's privacy. And he really doesn't want to argue with Iruka. Iruka provides all the good stuff. He grinned goofily under the mask when entered the room. Little Itachi (It surprised Kakashi that he even remembered Itachi that way.) was sitting between Naruto and Sasuke who slept together. One of Sasuke's hands accidentally was on Naruto's hip and Naruto hugged Itachi.

They looked like a family. He took him self a moment to wipe his tears.

"Whaaa white haired mistew!" Itachi giggled and pointed to Kakashi. "Itachi, I beg you… go you sleep…" Sasuke mumbled and pulled Naruto closer to him.

If he was a reasonable normal man, he would have taken his leave by now. But Kakashi isn't a reasonable normal man. He checked if Sasuke is really asleep.

"Sasuke! Oorchimaru has come to take you home…" he whispered. If the boy wasn't asleep his first reaction would be; "OMG! My lord! My lord! I'm sorry!" or "Orochimaru-sama, this… I have no words… blah blah blah…" but it wasn't so or so… the boy just shifted a bit, snuggling to Itachi.

"Itachi, sweetie… do you remember me?"

"No… you have such pwetty haiw!" Itachi crawled out of Naruto's and Sasuke's embrace. "You don't remember me? Eh… I'm your uncle Kakashi!"

"Ka'shi!"

689

Naruto chose to wake up somewhere in late morning. He snored out a yelp and struggled in his sheets. He felt like it was so hot, sharing someone's warmth… and waking up hugging someone, it felt so nice…

"So who is the best uncle in the world?" Kakashi smugly smiled under his mask. "Kashi! Kashi!" Itachi clapped his hands. "That's a good boy! Here, take a lollipop." He ruffled the boy's hair.

"WHAT THE FUCKING LIVING HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED? WHY ARE YOUR ARMS AROUND! OI YOU BASTARD!"

"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU YELLING?"

"BECAUSE… ah… BECAUSE I WANT TO, YOU PERVERTED ASS-HOLE!"

"Mommy is up!" Itachi giggled and ran to the bed room. "Nalu-mommy! Sasu'e!"

"Naru-mommy? Are you shitting the boy's mind again? I'm not a fucking woman!"

"Heh. Nalu-mommy!" Sasuke chucked. "Uncle Kashi sai' that coz I'm such I goo' boy I get a lollipop! See!" Itachi showed them the lollipop.

"You looked so much like a family; I can't believe my ex-students are so cuteeeeeeeeee!" Kakashi laughed.

Both Sasuke and Naruto winced; "KAKASHI?"

"Relax, kiddies! I'm just here to see how you two doing… and your doing perfectly fine… Sasuke are you naked?"

"PLEASE DEAR LORD, TELL ME HE ISN'T!"

"I have my pants on." Sasuke glared at the blonde. "Oh please Naruto I remember those days when you showed me your ass to mock me… I must say you had a good ass once." He stammered and sat up on the bed. "I wanna eat! I want big panca'es with lotsa lotsa sugew!" Itachi showed with his hands how big he wanted the pancakes he wanted; Taller then him, wider then him. then he licked his lips and grinned.

"Oh well, might as well teach you something about parenting. You don't fuck each other in front of the boy. That is the first big rule of parenting."

Naruto blushed, sending a help look to Sasuke. Sasuke growled. "Believe me, Kakashi, there is nothing more in the world that I'm disgusted to think about… I mean… it's sickening we're even talking about it-"

"Sasuke you are the worst actor in the world. You would jump on the first opportunity to fuck him like a hungry beast!"

"HELLO! I'm still in the room!" Naruto waved his hands and then shut Itachi's ears. "And for god's sake, I don't want to know anything about Sasuke's secret fantasies!"

"That denial. You're not going to win the Oscar too Naruto. You're practically dieing to know and fulfill each of his fantasies with and without tongue."

Naruto threw his a pillow and hit exactly on his head, sending their ex-teacher flying to the floor. "Kill him!"

689

By the afternoon Itachi was starved again, what made Sasuke worried and Naruto not worried at all, so Kakashi had to witness another one of their unending fights.

"He is a child, dick sucker! Children need to eat more!"

"No they don't he just ate and already wants more! You brainless piece of shit!"

"Shut the fuck up and give back the food!"

"No!"

"Yes! Give it back!"

"You're going to make him fat! Uchiha are never fat!"

"Yeah right! You're fat!"

"I AM not FAT!"

"Yeah! So what's that thing…?" Naruto molested Sasuke's belly. "Or are you just pregnant? Heh. With Orochimaru's baby!"

"Go eat some ramen brain shit! That's my fucking abs your touching!"

"Yeah, of course your six pack of fats!"

"Stop harassing my abs, you dumb-ass!"

"Traitor!"

"Dickhead!"

"Your mother is a dickhead!"

"_Your mother_ is a dickhead! Don't drag my mother into this!"

"You just dragged mine! So your mother is a whore! How else would we explain you?"

"I'm going to rip out that blonde hair of your one by one!"

"AH! SASUKE WANTS TO RAPE ME!"

Kakashi sat by the table where Itachi ate his carrot salad that was made from (surprisingly) carrots. Itachi gobbled down the orange things like it was water. He looked up at Sasuke and Naruto and continued. "Pretty amusing isn't it?" Kakashi asked. "Mmmhmmm!" Itachi continued his gorging himself.

Then there were a loud clear door ring.

"Stop, stop! Not my hair! You sick monster!"

"I'm going to attach noodles to where your hair was!"

"Fine, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Take away the scissors, you jerk!"

"Ow! Ow! Naruto stop it! Fuck it, stop!"

Kakashi opened the door for Sakura who stood with a frown on her face. "Ah! Sakura! What up?"

"Eh…" She blushed, looking shyly inside. "I came to visit…"

"Sasuke? I think he's busy with Naruto."

There were silence and then;

"DIE! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

Then another silence.

"OMG! Are you dead? Uchiha wake up! Oi! Sasuke!"

Kakashi sighed.

"Mommy killed Sasu'e!" Itachi laughed.

"Kakashi, god-damnit he's not breathing!"

A thud.

"I have come back from the dead!"

Evil laughter.

"Well, come in Sakura-chan. I think he'll vacate some time to you."

689

"Well, he seems a healthy little boy." Sakura paused when she saw Itachi's glare. "I'm not little!" He huffed and looked away. "Yes, you are, Itachi. Now sit like Sakura told so she could finish examine you."

"I'M NOT LITTLE!" Itachi shrieked, struggling from Sakura's lap. "Itachi, sit strait, you wretch!" Sasuke scolded. "NALUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

"What the fuck are you doing to the child?"

"Something you can't do! He won't listen!"

"ARE YOU A MONSTER? DID YOU WANT TO HIT HIM?"

"Of course I did! He won't listen!"

"But he's your fucking brother!" Naruto poked his finger painfully into Sasuke's chest. "Now, now boys… let's settle this in the good old way-" Kakashi were interrupted by;

"SHUT UP!" they both yelled in a union.

"I think I better…" Sakura started, feeling a bit embarrassed by the situation.

"You're a dumb-ass that's what you are! You always give him what he wants and now he's spoiled!"

"I'm not spoiling him! Am I spoiling him, Sakura-chan?"

"Well, um…"

"SEE? I'm not spoiling him!" the blonde yelled.

"SEE WHAT? You haven't even given her a chance to talk!"

"your just acting like that because you are hopeless without your _Orochimaru-sama_… so fuck it, go back to _Orochimaru-sama_ and leave the boy alone, you ass-hole!"

"Why won't you go dig into your fucking ramen, you fucking blockhead!"

"YOU'RE A BASTARD!"

"NO SHIT! I WAS BORN TO MAKE YOU MISERABLE!"

The both panted for breath, Kakashi clapped his hands. "New record! 15 minutes! Let me write it somewhere…"

Naruto and Sasuke glanced at each other and looked away, red with anger. "I really think I should go."

"I'll escort you to the door." Sasuke volunteered immediately. "Oh, and look at the time! Iruka must be waiting for me! You guys just keep me entertained that the time flies! Well, Bye-bye!" with a 'poof' the older man disappeared from the room. "Let's go Sakura. No need to stay in a room with some blondes who stink."

"You stink." Naruto huffed and folded his arms on his chest after Sasuke closed the door to the dinning room. Itachi crawled on his back and hugged him from behind. "Don't cwy. I'll cwy too if you'll cwy."

"I'm not crying, sweet-cheeks." Naruto smiled and pinched Itachi's cheeks. "Sasuke is a jerk-ass. I already know that, and he's always like that so it's okay." Naruto sighed and took the boy in his arms. "Let's go put you in bed?"

"I wanna go outsi'e! let's go to twavel!" Itachi exclaimed. "Nope, it's already past your curfue!"

"DON'T WANNA!" Itachi yelled. "I'll tell you a story!"

"A bed-time story!" Itachi bounced on the bed. "Um… I'll tell you about the stars!"

"The stars?"

"Yeah!" Naruto tucked him in and pointed to the window. "Once there was a beautiful prince that lived on that star over there…"

689

"Hi, Neji! Did Tsunade already figure out something?" Sasuke yelled to the ANBU that followed him around. "how did you know it was me?" the ANBU stopped jumping. "the holes in your mask are white." The sharingan usuer chuked. "That's not funny, Uchiha." Neji sat on the fence. "I'm sorry. Got carried away." Sasuke tried not to look at the masked teen. "She hadn't found out anything yet… even if she didn't she wouldn't have told it to me." He sighed. Sasuke nodded for a thank you and started walking. "Wait, Uchiha. I have something to ask you, though I'm on my duty."

"I did not have sex with Orochimaru! That asshole! Even Kakashi and Inuzuka asked me that!"

"No that's not it… Why haven't you killed Itachi yet? If I was you, I would've taken my oprutinanty."

Sasuke sighed and looked at him. "I…"

689

"Naruto?" Sasuke asked quietly when he got home. The blonde was sitting on the caouch, eating chips. "What?" Naruto rudely answeared. "Well…" Sasuke slomped next to him. "I guess Tsunade already found an antidote, but she doesn't want to give it to us." He started. "So?" Naruto didn't even glanced at him. "Well, I thought- are you still mad at me?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to always answear me with one word?"

"Yes."

"Impressive your stupidity had reached her final level."

"Sasuke, I hate you."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do. I officially hate you."

"Could you at least pretend for a second that you don't so we can talk?"

"About what? It's going to end up like every other talk we have. Cursing, gritting teeth, storming to our room and slamming the door."

"If I promise to be nice you'll stop?"

"How nice?" Naruto smiled smugly. "Nice. We can even stop fighting and try to solve things other ways."

"So no more cursing and fighting? At all?"

"Yeah. Agree?" Sasuke smirked and offred his hand.

"Ok, I agree…" Naruto smiled goffily and they shaked hands.

689

Itachi couldn't sleep. He looked from side to side until he noticed the window, Naruto left it open so Itachi could see all the stars. Woah, they were so beautiful and so many of them. He stood up on his bed and crawled on the window. He wanted to be just like the prince in the story and fly!

And be like a bird! And touch all those stars! And maybe even… (he snickered at the thought) he could poo on Sasuke's head! Then again, Sasuke isn't that bad… oh well.

Itachi found himself in a huge vally of roofs and there were lights everywhere.

All he needed to do is to reach his hand…

TBC!

* * *

**ME: XD**

**REVIEW! **

**coz I can be mean and not write it anymore :D and try to kill you.♥**


	4. Lust

**_Diaper Sharingan_**

_By Crystal-Psycho_

**Disclaimer**: if Naruto was mine, I would've burned the fillers! The horrible fillers! Make them stop!

**Note**: make out(s)! Foul language (it is my fic) and… did I mention make out scenes? ENJOY!

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**Chapter 4**: Lust.

* * *

_Recap from last chapter: _

"_So no more cursing and fighting? At all?" _

"_Yeah. Agree?" Sasuke smirked and offered his hand. _

"_Ok, I agree…"_

"YOU STUPID FUCK!"

"IT'S YOUR FAULT SASUKE-SHIT! DON'T TRY TO BALME THIS ON ME!"

"MY FAULT! HOW THE FUCKING HACK IS IT MY FAULT! YOU OPENED THE FUCKING WINDOW! **THE FUCKING WINDOW**!"

"BUT YOU SHOULD'VE KNOWN SOMETHING IS WRONG IF HE DOESN'T CALL YOUR NAME, MAN-WHORE!"

"I'M SORRY I WAS TOO NAÏVE TO THINK YOU _actually_ DID SOMETHING RIGHT!"

"Now, now boys… it's not time to argue!" Kakashi interrupted, "although it's a new record again, 20 minutes in a row! Ten more and you break world-"

"Kakashi! It is not time to talk about world records! Itachi's missing! Try to cooperate." Iruka suggested, sighing desperately. "Where could he go? Are you sure you checked everywhere?" he questioned, trying to get some answers. "Yes! Every dumpster, ally, corner in the closest blocks to here!" Sasuke exclaimed, officially pissed. "We even went from door to door trying to describe him, and no one saw him!" Naruto spat, holding onto his blonde hair in frustration. "Maybe we should call Tsunade-"

"Maybe someone kidnapped him! Kisame will eat my heart with a fork and then toss my liver to Gaara! NOOO!" Naruto panicked. "I still think we should just-" Iruka tried once again.

"WOULD YOU RELAX, DOBE? Who would've kidnapped him anyway?"

"Who're you calling dobe; you idiotic mock of a shit snake!"

"Oh my, that's was _such_ a **long **sentence! I wander how your bean-like brain made him up!"

"BEAN-LIKE BRAIN! YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

That was the last of the thinnest straws in the world. Naruto attacked widen eyed Sasuke who didn't thought it was coming with a punch and a kick. Sasuke tried to dodge but only made the both of them crush on the floor with a loud thud. Although Naruto ended up the one on the bottom with Sasuke (who, Naruto mused, was heavier then looked) on him, kicked off the poor raven haired teen and launched for another attack.

He didn't notice that his wriest got tangled in Sasuke's robe and Sasuke's leg was warped around his. And so, once again, not even getting to hit Sasuke this time, they fall on the floor.

Naruto, mind you, desperately tried to hit the other boy with his fist and Sasuke managed to block him only to get hit in his stomach. He rolled with Naruto on the floor a couple of times trying to dodge and to hiss in pain in the same time. Now Naruto was all tangled in his robes and the both miserably groaned and growledon the carpet in the living room, trying to get loose, tossing curses at each other.

"You know, sometime I think they're still 12 years old." Kakashi looked rather amused compare Iruka whom looked so troubled like he saw the world coming to an end; "Kakashi! Do something!"

"They'll stop eventually…"

"SASUKE, I'LL KILL YOU!"

"NOT IF I'LL KILL YOU FIRST!"

"CALM DOWN, BOTH OF YOU!" an ANBU with a eagle's mask entered the room from the window and threw a kunai to the pile of robes. The kunai landed on the wall yet the robes were cut into a half. "Kakashi, you disappoint me. I went to pee, I came back and this is what I get…?"

"But it's amusing, Neji!"

"WTF! I'm an unsuspicious ANBU!" he waved his hands; he sighed eventually, seeing that everyone is staring weirdly at him. "What is wrong? Why are you fighting…?" He bent down to Naruto who huffed and banged Sasuke in the head. "That jerk lost Itachi!"

"HA! You're just trying to shake off the blame from you. Because you're a dimwit!"

"GO FUCK OROCHIMARU! I bet his snaky dick will fit right in!"

"Ohhhh, you wanna talk about dicks! LET'S TALK ABOUT DICKS! Your virgin dick had been amusing himself only from your masturbation because you're a loser who haven't been fucked – NOT EVEN ONCE – in his pathetic, 16 years of living!"

"Well, I'm sorry I keep myself for the right one, Mr. Man-whore!"

"I'm not finished! YOU STILL DON'T KNOW WHY YOU HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE YET! I'll tell you why! You – in your _glorious_ 16 years of living – have been the most naïve and clueless thing on earth! Gaara adores your ass and Hinata is kissing the ground you spit on! EVEN NEJI likes you in a certain ways---"

"HAY! Don't you dare---" Neji protested. "I have a boy-" Neji glanced at Kakashi who was obviously smirking under his mask. "A boy who knows my girlfriend!"

"FUCK YOU, UCHIHA!" Naruto, oblivious to Neji's protest, pointed out his middle finger and turned to Neji. "Have you seen Itachi? We haven't found him anywhere…"

Sasuke frowned. "Don't you dare turn your back to me, you son of a bitch!"

"Actually… I have-"

Sasuke took a vase and threw it on the wall. "THERE! NOW YOU CAN TURN YOUR BACK ON ME, RAMEN-DICK!"

"Kiba was on the night shift of guarding Sasuke and he was sitting on the tree-"

Naruto took one of the glass milk bottles from the shelf "Oh, yeah! Well, take this!" he banged it on the floor, all the shreds and the spilled milk flew around hitting everything they met. When Sasuke was about to take something else, Kakashi grabbed his hand and Iruka held down Naruto. "You're eventfully going to hurt someone. So I'll have to stop you." Kakashi sighed. "Now Neji has something to say."

"Oh, nah, I have nothing to say! Never seen Itachi, have a nice day!" he ended up disappearing as quickly as he came. "Hadn't he said that…?" Iruka glanced at Kakashi. "I don't know. And you two…" he sighed. "What should we do with you?"

"At first let's announce to Tsunade, maybe she could help…"

"NO!" both, the blonde and the raven haired, teens protested in a union. "She'll probably suffocate herself from laughing, that old hag!" Naruto explained. "We _are_ supposed to be the most terrifying enemies of Konoha, the last time we visited her she laughed for three hours in a row **_after_** we left." Sasuke backed him up.

"So you do have something you can agree on! Amazing!"

689

"He's still asleep?"

"Yeah. He's so cute!"

"Aa… we're going to keep him for a while."

"What do you mean, didn't you told them?"

"I TRIED. But eventually I decided not to give him back."

"Ok… now you're scaring me. Do you want to kidnap him? Naruto will freak out of his boned-head!"

"They have issues, Kiba. Did you saw how they fight?"

"Day after day after day after day after day... It was amusing at first…"

"I talked with Sasuke yesterday."

"Wow. Really. I was sure you weren't able to learn human speech, Neji."

_Bang_. "OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"

"For you being stupid! Now listen: A great Hyuuga like me..."

Kiba snickered.

"Shut up, will you?"

"I'm sorry, you may continue, oh-great-Hyuuga."

"Thank you. Now a great Hyuuga like me and an elite ninja won't go as low as Kakashi to play matchmakers with some doggy-crap like you… but-"

"Doggy-crap. Oh yeah. _This_ doggy-crap isn't going to cooperate."

"Think of the things we can do with Shikamaru's help!"

"I'm thinking." Pause. Silence. "No."

"I thought you liked pranks. Imagine Naruto (with Shikamaru's help) undressing himself in front of Sasuke. We can have a bunch of photos if you want."

"And I can post them on the net and blackmail them both?"

"Yes."

"I'm in."

689

"Bye Bye!" Naruto waved his hand. "Have a nice trip home!" He continued waving. "Are you sure, Naruto? We can stay so you won't kill each other." Iruka kindly suggested. "Yes, it is pitiful that the last Uchiha was killed by me."

"NARUTO!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Naruto pouted. "I'll try my best not to hurt him."

"Well, look at the time! We're late Iruka for _you know_…!"

"Late to where?" Naruto asked curiously. Iruka glared at Kakashi (in a way that say 'you ARE not getting any, because I said so') "NO where! No where! Well, try to not worry too much, we've searched all over town, he must be somewhere. Maybe Tsunade took him or –"

"Okay, we'll talk in the morning, I'm too tired now." Naruto yawned. "Bye Bye." He closed the door.

He heard Sasuke spitting curses randomly, pissed, again. Naruto sighed desperately and walked in to the living room to see the Uchiha glaring daggers at the poor table and holding his leg. "Stupid fucking table…" he mumbled again and sent another death glare like the table will drop back in fear. "You really are stupid, Sasuke. That's a table. Tables don't talk."

"YOU'RE--- STUPID!"

"Don't you start!" Naruto bent down and started to collect the broken pieces of the glass around the room. "All you do is to get angry and yell, for god's sake! Have some dignity; you're acting like a drunken father that's desperately trying to abuse his family."

Sasuke's eyes grew wide and he gapped, letting out a few surprised sounds (more like a shocked drag queen). "I am NOT!"

"Yes, you ARE!"

"I am not!"

"DON'T ARGUE WITH ME, YOU DICK-LESS ASS-HOLE! I had enough of this argues! Just sit and fucking listen to me!"

"I'll do what ever the hell I want!" Sasuke yelled and bent down, helping Naruto with the glasses. "Do you even remember what we said yesterday?"

"No." the Sharingan user lied, looking away. Naruto glanced at him suspiciously but sighed. "You're a fucking liar!"

"Look who's talking!" he blurted out quickly, not knowing what to answer.

"When did I ever lie?"

"When… when…" he stammered but then smirked. "When you say you don't like me! We all know you have a crush on me since we were kids!"

"I DO NOT HAVE-"

"Don't denial! Wait...!" Sasuke went to the window. "OI! Inuzuka!" he waved to the tree. An ANBU fall on his ass from the tree and grumbled, showing his fist to the Uchiha. "It's not me! I mean… fuck… never mind! What do you want?"

"Come up here, will you?"

"Why? Will you try to kill me?"

"Of course!" Naruto yelled, amused from the room. Kiba appeared in the room with a 'poof' and some grey smoke. "Inuzuka, please tell that stubborn blonde that EVERYBODY knows he have a crush on me!"

"Well, actually not everybody **but** the most-"

"WHAT? I don't! Sasuke have a crush on me!"

Kiba nodded.

"No, he has a crush on me!" Sasuke pointed to the blonde.

"No! You have a crush on me!"

"You are totally in loved with me!"

"NEVER! WHY WOULD I WANT TO FUCK A HOLE THAT HAD BEEN FUCKED BY OROCHIMARU?"

"WHO THE HELL SAID YOU'LL BE THE SEME?"

"Well, duh! You don't have a dick!"

Sasuke puffed with anger. "You son of a bitch! I'll kill you!" Sasuke started chasing the blonde. Naruto uttered a fearful yelp and started running, clutching onto Kiba's ANBU shirt. "Kiba, run! Run and call Neji! Tell him Sasuke exploded!"

Kiba run out of the room, staring at them like their both lunatics.

While running Naruto picked up a pen, and spun to Sasuke with a grin. "Ha! No more running!" he poked it onto Sasuke's chest. "Oh yeah that hurts so much!" Sasuke snickered coming closer. "It supposed to!" he tucked the pen onto Sasuke's arm. Sasuke hissed in pain, and pulled out the pen to show some blood; "Noodle-brain!"

Naruto laughed evilly and run to the kitchen, but then Sasuke cornered him. His Sharingan was blazing with might and his arm bleeding. "Don't come any closer!" Naruto warned, swaying the pen to Sasuke's direction. Sasuke ignored the warning, growled and strode closer to the blonde.

"Last warning, teme!"

"Oh, you're going to cut me with it?" Sasuke laughed again (_which makes it two times a day_, Naruto thought, alerted that something **is** wrong.) and something was indeed (VERY, VERY) wrong, because the Uchiha clamped the blonde to the cold wall. "W-what are you doing?" Naruto blushed immediately. "What do you think?" Sasuke smirked and grabbed roughly his wriest. "I must confess, I **do** have a crush on you and I **do** remember what we talked about yesterday."

Naruto's pen fell from his hand when Sasuke's grip on his wriest tightened. His cerulean blue beautiful eyes widen slightly. "What… Let go, you jerky-bastard!" he countered, struggling. Sasuke grunted and slammed his lips with Naruto's. Naruto swallowed his moan, but stood on his tiptoe returning the kiss back.

This made Sasuke smirk through the kiss, so he continued roughly and parted Naruto's lips. Before he entered his slippery tongue to Naruto's warm mouth, he could feel his sweet saliva on his parted lips.

_Oh yes. _

Sasuke shoved the blonde more to the wall but Naruto protested by slamming his hands on Sasuke's chest and pushed the Uchiha from him.

Sasuke hit the stove, smirking. But before he could open his mouth, Naruto attacked him with a more passionate kiss, trying to swallow him. He chucked softly, slamming the blonde on the counter. The blonde molested his way to Sasuke's neck where he linked his arms and buried them in Sasuke's dark hair.

Sasuke, on the other side was busy to conquer the new domain of Naruto's mouth.

"Yes, Kiba. They're practically killing each other! I don't know why I bother…" Neji sighed. "No, No, I swear! Sasuke was chasing after him… and… and…"

"And look! He caught him! Wow, we should call the ambulance, Naruto's bleeding!" Neji's sardonic comments keep coming until Sasuke frowned, looking on the blonde.

"Would the two of you shut up?"

Both Kiba and Neji winced when saw suddenly Kakashi standing beside them, with a camera. Naruto blushed and pushed Sasuke off. "We didn't do anything!" he announced and sat on the couch, acting like nothing happened. "So we saw!" Neji sighed. "I'm going home." He turned to Kiba. "Stay on the tree."

"OMG! I'm so posting this everywhere! I'll add a little heart at the bottom where I'll write: 'S loves N', we'll start a club! We'll call it SasuNaru… or even more, let's think big! The gay porno international agency!"

"GAY PORN! I curse you to hell, Kakashi!" The blonde called, slamming the door to his room. "Can I have a copy of that?" Sasuke asked innocently.

Neji slapped his hand on his forehead and disappeared, apparently, he was having a headache.

689

"I WANT NALU! I WANT SASU'E!" Itachi threw the bottle to the wall. "Neji, deal with him!" Kiba yelled, crouching to the floor, trying to avoid the angry little Sharingan user. "Why me?" Neji sputtered, hiding behind the closet. "Because, it was your genius idea to keep him!" Kiba ducked when a pillow flew his way. "Itachi, wait, wait!" Neji waved his hand. "You plomised you'll let me see Nalu-mommy! I WANT SASU'E!"

"Okay, okay… come on… Kiba say something!"

"Don't drag me into this!"

"Naruto and Sasuke are making out now, so after their raging hormones will calm down you'll see them."

"What's wlaging holmones? What's ma'ing out?"

"Well done, Neji. Explain that, I'm just so curious!" Kiba commented sardonically. "Oh, shut up, Kiba!" Neji frowned. "When mommy loves daddy…"

Kiba snickered quietly until Neji had to smack him. "Youmean Nalu-mommy and Sasu'e?"

"Yeah! Them. Well… um… well, when they love each other very much… their love spilling…"

"I'm awfully sure their _love_ IS _spilling_… it's called sperm-" Kiba dodged Neji's punch, still laughing. "Ignore him Itachi. Well, what I meant to say... is that… they need time for themselves to… Uh… to do stuff…"

"What 'ind of stuff?" Itachi blinked.

"They need time to show their love for each other. Not to do stuff." Kiba came to the rescue. "Now, go to sleep?"

"Okay."

"Good."

Neji sighed deeply when sat on Kiba's couch. "Oh, Kiba, you'll be the best father. Shame that girls love types like me and Sasuke."

"Unfortunately for you and Sasuke, girls don't marry guys like you. Eventually they regain logic, and dump your ass for us, the cute fathers, for the future of their babies. And you got stuck to be gay."

"Unfortunately for you, Kiba, that time hadn't come yet."

"NALU!"  
Both Kiba and Neji exchanged looks and then stared at the door of Kiba's room, which where Itachi needed to be.

689

"Itachi…?" Naruto blinked. "Is that you?" he entered the room through the window. "NALU! NALU!" Itachi jumped off the bed and run to the blonde. "Huh? Why are you here? Is that…" Naruto looked around confused.

"DON'T ENTER PEOPLES HOUSES, DUMBASS!" Sasuke yelled from the window and then saw Itachi.

"OMFFFFFFFFFG!" Kiba opened and closed the door.

"I KNEW IT! It is Kiba's house!" Naruto pointed to the door.

"RUN, NEJI! RUN!"  
"Why?" Neji stood up.

"THOSE LITTLE ASSHOLES!" a furious Uchiha broke the door. "You kept him in your house while I was looking for him EVERYWHERE in this fucking town! EVERY FUCKING WHERE! I'm going to hunt you down now, and I'm going to slaughter each piece of your body… slowly… very slowly…"

A few hours, painful punch and scream of horror later:

"I beg you, spare on my life!" Kiba pleaded, hiding behind Neji, "Very Heroic, Kiba." Neji commented. "Shut up! I don't want to die young."

"And virgin." Neji commented. "SHUT UP!" Kiba roared. "BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE ANYWAY!" Sasuke smirked. "Now, any last wishes?"

"Ok, Neji! You're right! I don't want to die virgin! Let's have sex!"

"Sasuke, Home." Naruto interpreted, calmly calling Sasuke from one of the roofs. Itachi was sleeping in his arms. "Oh, but I was about-"

"I said home, didn't I?"

Sasuke sighed and shrugged. "Ok."

Neji and Kiba blinked. Naruto sighed, and gave Itachi to Sasuke. "WAIT! Why are outside? You aren't allowed outside after dark!"

Naruto looked away, blushing and Sasuke looked on his feet. "We… were looking for Itachi…!"

"Yeah!" Sasuke nodded. "Then why the hack were you on the roof of my apartment?" Kiba demanded. "We… thought… what did we thought, Sasuke?"

"We? Well, we… thought? OH! Yeah! We thought that um… that we haven't checked the roofs yet so we…"

"YES, exactly! We checked all over the town but we didn't check on the roofs!"

"Interesting. Really interesting, and why didn't you waited till morning for Kakashi and Iruka to help you?" Neji questioned. "We didn't want their help in everything! Right Sasuke?"

"YES! Of course!"

"Why do we have to explain ourselves to you anyway? You kidnapped Itachi! Let's go Sasuke!"

When Neji and Kiba were alone in the dark ally, Kiba raised his eye brow; "what do you think they were doing?"

"I don't know. But they weren't looking for Itachi."

**What really happened to Sasuke and Naruto: **

Cold slender fingers made their way down, cupping the perfect ass and squeezing it gently. A moan escapes from the owner of the ass, and his cerulean eyes shot open. "Sasuke…" he panted out, ending the passionate kiss. Sasuke smirked and moved his lips across the tanned skin to Naruto's neck and then to his lips again. "Sasuke stop…" Sasuke blinked and peered down into the blue eyes. "Why?" Sasuke asked, amused and dived in for more-

"WAIT, WAIT!" Naruto struggled to get out from under him, "I'm not gay! You're gay, but I'm as straight as --- NEVER MIND! Don't come near me."

"Why? You're molest-able."

Naruto blushed and mumbled a 'thank you' and then turned around. "Go to hell!" the blonde strode angrily to his room but the Uchiha grabbed his hand. "I see many possibilities open when Itachi's not here and we're in this tiny house allll alone." He smugly said, pulling Naruto's body to his own. "Like to just fuck you."

The blonde blushed deep red. "W-what are you t-talking ab-bout!"

"But that won't be amusing as you using you first."

"You bastard!" Naruto struggled and tried to push Sasuke from behind him. But Sasuke was smarter then the blonde and pushed the blonde onto the table of the living room. All thenewspapers and bottles and whatever were that crushed on the floor, making the mess in the room even more incredible. The Uchiha climbed on the Kyuubi vessel and licked his jawbone. "I hate you."

"It's mutual, teme." Naruto smirked nastily. Sasuke immediately attacked his lips with another hungry kiss; his hands now sliding down and up on the blonde's body.

Naruto felt a wave of hot wave through his veins. His blood seemed to be on fire, like he was burning for inside.

He kicked theUchiha off him and Sasuke landed on the floor (groaning in pain), catching the opportunity, Naruto attacked the dark haired teen with kisses, trying to domain the kiss, since now he was on the top. But it was impossible! Sasuke's tongue twisting with his own, fervently, only stopping for short pants – and even then their mouth was connected with the trail of mixed saliva, their tongue battling in a game which made his head spin and shiver and moan… Sasuke turned them both so that Naruto's back would hit painfully the wall.

"You're foolish." Sasuke leaned to hisear to breath on it. "And stupid."

His right hand made her way from the blonde's shoulder to the line of his pants and stroked it. Naruto tried to struggle, but Sasuke pinned his hands.

But before Sasuke could get his hands on the delicious prize (Naruto's erection, if you were wandering, is the best prize ever for an avenger like himself.) the both heard; "Damn those tapes! I'll kill Asuma! god! Just when they were getting to the good part!" Kakashi shook furiously the camera in his hand. Sasuke grumbled quietly, swearing to god that he'll kill Kakashi when the time will come. Naruto jerked away immediately, cursing in the way. "Don't you dare to move! I'll just go bring the new tape! Don't move or try to kill each other! Is that clear?"

And after Sasuke made sure Kakashi wasn't following them he offered a blonde a before-sleep-walk, (to Sasuke, mind you, it doesn't matter if the first time with Naruto will be in the roof of his apartment, the roof of Sakura's apartment or the hospital – he _needs_ to fuck Naruto. NOW.)

At first Naruto was walking calmly beside him until they reached a place where you can see the moon clearly and Naruto sighed.

"Naruto… about all that…" Sasuke started.

_Yes, start off to say you're sorry, in the most romantic place in Konoha, yes… yes… and then make him moan your name out! Muhahahahahahahahha!_ Sasuke coughed a bit, distracting himself from his evil thoughts. "I mean, about us-"

"Shut up, teme." Naruto sighed.

_Yes, be aggressive Naruto. First try to play the hard-to-get and then He'll beg on his knees for more, the deceiving ass-hole-of-a-bastard! Muhahahahahhahaha!_ Naruto looked away, trying to calm himself from the evil thought.

"Don't shut me, you ramen-ass."

"I'll shut you up when I'll want!"

"Oh man, you forgot your brains at home again, haven't you? Let's go get them-"

"GO SCREW OROCHIMARU, YOU PSYCHO-LUSTFUL-FOR-BLOOD-DICK-SUCKING-"

Sasuke cupped Naruto's cheeks and pulled him for a little kiss. Naruto mewled as the contact faded suddenly, took Sasuke by the collar and pulled him for another kiss.

And another one, and one more and more, and harder and rougher and Sasuke pushing onto him, he walked back slowly, taking small steps until he reached a wall.

Sasuke started grinding against him, swallowing the blonde, more and more and more. And some more of what Sasuke had to offer until Naruto stopped him to pant and slipped away from the tight grip Sasuke had on him.

Still heavily breathing he jumped on another roof and grinned back to Sasuke, who leered and raised his eyebrow, acting to be a hungry wolf looking on an innocent piece of meat.

"NALU!"

Naruto sharply turned to his side, looking on a boy waving to him. "Itachi…?" Naruto blinked. "Is that you?" he entered the room through the window. "NALU! NALU!" Itachi jumped off the bed and run to the blonde.

**Back to where we left off:**

Sasuke tucked the boy in his blankets and turned to Naruto. "What now?"

"We go to sleep…?" Naruto offered an idea.

"Together?" Sasuke smugly smirked.

"N-NO!" Naruto protested, blushingand stormed to the living room. "No? Are you sure?" Sasuke stalked after him, smiling more then smirking. "Blah, blah, blah –" Naruto stumbled back and fall on his butt suddenly. Sasuke blinked and bent to him. "Are you okay?"

Naruto nodded to Sasuke and turned to the living room couch where sat a certain redhead.

"Hello." Gaara simply greeted, the bored expression cupping his face. "Gaara!" Naruto ran to glomp him. "My love! Where have you been? I've missed you red hair and your death thereat so much..."

"My… love…" Sasuke gritted his teeth.

"Yeah, yeah… I missed you too. You better run, though." Gaara sighed. "Kis-"

"Oh my, are we talking about me?" the shark-fish-whatever looking man entered the room.

Naruto gulped and hided behind Gaara. "It was his fault!" Naruto yelled and pointed to Sasuke.

**TBC

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**Oh my… XD I'm sorry! I had a writer block! And unfortunately my make-out scenes sucked even more then they suck now (could you imagine that?) but I'm approving, right? I'll find a beta! You'll see! **

**next chapter: Gaara being protective! Kisame-Itachi action (because you asked so nicely) and SasuNaru-ness, of course! **

**REVIEW!**

**REVIEW!**

**I'll give you Itachi plushies!**

**:D I have them in more then one pose! **


	5. Cookie bond

**Diaper Sharingan**

_Crystal Psycho_

**Disclaimer: **damn it! Naruto is not mine! **::angry::**

**Chapter warnings: **Oh my! A blow job! (XD) and some Kisame-pedophile-Itachi themes! Maybe Gaara being too much a brother! SHIKAMARU-SANDCEST hints! NEJIKIBA hints (because they rock! XD) and… (Of course) brutal language.

**Note**: thank all of you for reviewing. It's really important to me. **Sorry, sorry, sorry for the long wait**!!!!!!! I hope you would enjoy the un-beta-ish chapter :D

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Chapter 5: cookie-bond.

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"WHERE THE FUCK IS ITACHI, YOU BUNCH OF HOMOS?" the fist was aimed at the Uchiha. "He's… he's…" Sasuke dodged, but saw how his beautiful table broke into two. "It's he's fault too!" he pointed to Naruto. 

He didn't really know why he got so angry. He really didn't. It's not like Gaara was standing with his stoic expression, arms folded in his chest, rolling his eyes as NARUTO RUBBED HIS HEAD AND MOLESTED HIM, SNUGGLING HIS NECK AND PRACTICLY HANGING ON HIS BODY!!!!!! The deceiving little blonde! one moment his all blush-y and utterly completely cute with that blue eyes and now '_it's his fault!'_?

Sasuke groaned, diverting his head from the scene only to almost get hit by another punch. "I'LL ASK. ONE. LAST.TIME. WHERE THE HACK IS HE?"

"He's okay- relax! It's that- wow!" this time Kisame swung his pretty sword, it nearly cut off one of Sasuke's precious hairs! Sasuke growled, automatically activating his sharingan (yes, his hair is almost the most important thing in the world, it should always be perfect, skewed, and all… perfect, and if one strand! ONE! Will fall out…!!! the most important thing after that is to check if Naruto does have a beauty spot on his XXX like Kiba said; once when they showered together and – NEVER MIND! Kiba's such a pervert anyway.) But before he could make his move, Kisame almost cut his head off.

"Did he hurt you, Naruto? Coz if he did… Kisame just kill him, he's been more then me in Naruto's company, he'll die happy anyway."

There was silence while a little boy came from the hallway, looking around.

"Sasu'e!" Itachi rubbed his eyes and ran to hug Sasuke's leg. "Who awe dis people?" he asked while glancing up.

Kisame blinked.

"Can Nalu-mommy tell me a stowy? I want a stowy!"

Gaara blinked. "Nalu-mommy? Wait… Nalu – Naru… Naru- NARUTO?" for the first time in his life there were a disgusted-surprised expression on Gaara's face.

"Yeh. That's… um…" Naruto tried to explain, rubbing the back of his head and giggling.

"Our son." Sasuke smirked and picked Itachi to his arms.

689

Somewhere in other part of the town, a lazy shadow-nin was trying to focus on his papers instead of dozing off, like he usually does. The late hours made him even sleepier then he was usually. He should be home now, taking a hot shower, ignoring his mother's lecturing and sleeping while hugging his pillow – doing something other then this!

"Shikamaru Nara!" the harsh voice snapped him out of haze. "Ah… Hokage. here…" he handed the blonde woman with the big boobies a load of papers and got back to work while yawning. "Actually, you can stop that. Since you took the night shift and Kakashi (that moron, probably caught Iruka in a dark ally) abounded his duty, go check up on the Uchiha couple."

"Wha? Did Sasuke get married with Sakura? Finally, they were getting troublesome."

"Actually, I meant Sasuke and Naruto."

"Oh." He paused, standing up and brushed the dust off his pants. "But it's troublesome. They 're probably doing stuff I don't want to hear or know about."

"GO!" she pushed him with the heel of her shoe (_or whatever it is, a sandal maybe? Ah, bothersome to think about it_.)

So the lazy shadow-nin (who _eventually regretted that he wanted to do something else then to view papers_) made his way through the empty town streets. It was rather quiet and peaceful when everyone was asleep. It felt there were no one to bother him, no more annoying people who jump around him requesting for things (_Kiba, Naruto, Hokage-sama_) and no one was there shrieking in his ear about who will win his heart (_Temari-Ino conflict. Go figure._) No one giving him loads of papers and no one to…

"Kiba…? Neji…?" he blinked into the ally. They both jerked away from each other and banged into the wall, since the ally wasn't that big. "Hi-Hi, Shika!" Kiba waved his hand. The Hyuuga didn't even replied, since he was oh-so-busy to pretend he's not there. (_I bet he still thinks he has that magical rob from Harry Potter that turns people into invisible. That guy is really troublesome – after they watched the movie all together he barrowed it and watched it again and again and again. Until Kiba had to pour a bottle of vodka on him. Kiba says it always works, although he ended up three days in hospital after that_.)

"What are you doing here? In a dark, small ally, all alone?"

"We were… um… looking for Itachi too!"

"Huh?"

The Hyuuga nodded and whispered something in Kiba's ear. "Oh and… Neji says we… uh…" Kiba glared at Neji and pushed him. "You shouldn't say such complicated things I don't remember what you said!"

Neji scowled. "Well, I'm sorry you have such a short memory." He calmly replied. Kiba fumed. "Why don't you go act prissy in somewhere else, you … you prissy son of a bitch!"

"How did you just called me, dog-crap? You little asshole I--"--

--So Shikamaru continued his journey to the Uchiha's house feeling like nothing can probably disturb the silence. "Crap, Iruka's house!" he shut his ears and ran through the street, until he was sure he wouldn't hear a thing. (_You see, usually at night, in Iruka's house… well. Kakashi's there_.) And then finally… when he did make it to the Uchiha's house, he was amazed to see sand. Everywhere. And screaming. Loud, high-pitch screaming of terror and horror.

What has he done to deserve this? He only wants to sleep, god damn it!

689

The high-pitch screams and the horror gasps came from (surprisingly. Or not…) Kisame and Gaara. Gaara blocked his mouth, to muffle the scream that he uttered for the past few minutes. And Kisame ran around the house with Gaara's guard and yelling "Naruto's a girl and Sasuke fucked him and now they have a baby!" and in the process spilling the sand all over the house.

Gaara sat, trying to adjust him-self to the surrounding – where Naruto banged Sasuke's head and yelled at him and then banged Sasuke's head on the wall while yelling at him… oh, and then he picked the little boy and walked off with him, leaving Sasuke snickering behind. Gaara also saw from the corner of his eye where Kisame danced and went out of his mind in the hallways almost dumping into Naruto.

Then Naruto yelled, put the boy down and started banging Kisame's head onto the wall.

"It's not our son! It's Itachi! ITACHI! ITA-CHI!"

"Itachi isn't that small- Ow!" bang, bang.

"I said that's Itachi!"

"No, that can't be, the Uchiha killed him – OW! Cut it out, my shark-make up!"

Gaara's eyes wandered around again, seeing the little boy, walking to Sasuke and patting lovingly on his head before kissing it. "Now it won't hurt, Sasu'e!"

"Sure it won't." Sasuke laughed and stood up, glancing at the hallway where Kisame already lay unconscious and Naruto was punching him. "WAKE up, Kisame! And face the truth like a man!"

Gaara blinked; starting to swallow the fact that maybe he's still sane. He suddenly noticed some weight on the back of the couch and glanced there seeing the guy with the pony tail, the one that was forced to date his sister (about a thousand times), leaning on the couch and looking rather sleepy. "Tough night, huh?" he asked the redhead.

Gaara nodded. "You too?"

"Yeah. What are you doing here anyway?"

"Looking for Itachi and Naruto."

"Oh." Shikamaru looked at the now empty hallway (well, except a shark-bleeding-guy unconscious on the floor.) "And where is the happy couple?"

"They were here a minute ago." Gaara's glare came back to his place – thank god, he thought there for a second that this is it. The last strew of his insanity.

The both shared an awkward silence while Itachi and Sasuke( pretending to be an airplane, uttering sounds of 'whoosh' and 'fuuuuuuuu' and Sasuke mumbled _Itachi the pilot _is going to land.) then Itachi poked Gaara's forehead and pulled Shikamaru's ponytail, circled the couch and went back into the hallway, jumping above Kisame's (maybe dead) body.

"So how's Temari doing? I hope she found someone troublesome and she'll leave me alone."

"The last time I was home she ordered to do a huge poster of you _naked_ in her room and another one in the dinning room."

Shikamaru frowned.

"Cheer up. Kankurou masturbated while looking on it."

Shikamaru frowned deeper.

"Hay, at least I know you have that beauty spot on your thigh. And you can see how big your ---"

Shikamaru stopped him. "Don't continue. I doubt I want to know."

689

And so, the awful night was finally over. Sasuke threw Kisame on the couch, Gaara gathered all his sand from the house and went to sleep with Naruto (although the protests and opposition from the Uchiha) and Sasuke… well actually he washed off the shark-make-up off Kisame and just then went to sleep.

In the morning, they found Shikamaru already eating in the kitchen. "Morning, Shika. I haven't seen you around lately." Naruto yawned while stretching to get his Ramen cup. "Good morning, has anybody saw Kisame's face today?" Sasuke took out his coffee cup from the closet.

"No he's still playing dead."

"Oh. He'll drop dead anyway when he'll wake up."

The Kyuubi vessel shot the Sharingan user a suspicious look. "Oh… I MEAN… WE SHOULD prove that Itachi is Itachi to them! Right?"

"Um… yeah. After you ass-hole said it was our son! You're a boy, Sasuke, you can't have babies!"

"Actually, you're the uke so you're supposed to give birth not me. But don't be disappointed too much; at least you get a big belly."

"I can't be the uke, because you don't have a dick. And who knows – maybe Orochi-kun installed some woman organs inside of you."

"You see that cup of ramen? Good. Since it's like porn to you, go masturbate."

"You see that dead-guy on the couch. He's older then you and he's dead. Go be screwed by him. We all know you're a necrophilie anyway; it doesn't matters if you fuck a dead snake or a dead shark... wait that makes you uh… something with –phile too… I don't remember."

"Naruto, the _thing_ follows me!" Gaara jumped into the kitchen followed by Itachi, who giggled, thinking they were playing a game of tug. "It's not _thing_! Look how cute he is. He looks so much like Sasu-chan when Sasu-chan was little!"

"NO HE ISN'T!" Sasuke roared. "We don't even look alike!"

"Yeah, yeah… look. You both have this stoic expression." Gaara and Shikamaru gazed from the little smiling kid to Sasuke's frown. "And mid-night colored hair." Naruto put his hand on his chin, thoughtfully. Gaara and Shikamaru nodded their hands, agreeing. "And you have coal eyes, of course – they turn to Sharingan when you get angry or during battles… and when you pee, well, actually just Sasuke activates his Sharingan when he pees.…"

"YOU PROMISED NOT TO TELL, SON OF A BITCH – YOUR RAMEN IS GOING TO THE TOILET!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! MUHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Let it go, you jerk ass! NOOO! Not the miso, noooooooo! No! Ass-wipe, NO! AT LEAST leave the pork ramen! How can you be so cruel! The chicken-flavored ramen, NO! Don't you dare walk to the bathroom! DO NOT OPEN THAT DOOR, SASUKE! LAST WARNING! AHHH! DON'T ENTER THE ROOM! DON'T YOU DARE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NOOOOOOO!!!"

All Shikamaru and Gaara could hear is the wrapping of the cups being ripped and the toilet flushing several times. Then Sasuke came back and started drinking his coffee calmly. "Itachi, want to go to the park in the noon?"

"YEAH!" the little boy hugged Sasuke leg, with a little blushing smiling face. "Gaawa, do you wanna go with us?" he asked while blushing.

"Gaawa. Sasuke, _the thing_ just called me Gaawa."

"Yeah. He has a few problems with his speech." Sasuke put a hand on Itachi's shoulders protectively. The redhead frowned, "well, then tell _your son_ to say my name right."

"You people just can't understand jokes. That's Itachi. If it was Naruto's son too, he would've been blonde with my eyes."

"Or the other way; Naruto's eyes and Sasuke's hair." Shikamaru nodded. "Well, if that's Itachi then you should have…" Gaara molested the boy and when found the back of his head he found a little birthmark. "So it is Itachi." He looked confused for a second and then glanced at Kisame at the couch. "and we were here about two months. It takes nine months to be pregnant. And Itachi is five years old. We can't do that in two months even if Naruto will – "

"DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT ME TEME! I'LL KILL YOU!" Naruto stormed off the bathroom with a ripen cup of ramen in his hand, and locked his angry red eyes to Sasuke's coal calm eyes. "you'll pay. I swear in god, you will."

Sasuke flattered his hand while he sipped from his coffee, looking at Shikamaru; "You here to gourd us?"

"Yeah, only until Kakashi will remember he has a mission to attend."

"Oh. Naruto you'll go to the park too?"

"I'm not talking to you." the blonde remarked and then bent down to the little boy; "Do you want to go buy lollipops with Naru, 'tachi?"

"YEAH! LOTSA, LOTSA LOLLIPOPS!" the child giggled.

"We're going then,"

"Okay." Shikamaru flattered his head, leaning back at his chair and yawning. Sasuke glanced at Gaara who was staring at him. "What?"

"Tell me every little detail of what ever you did in the last week, or... die."

"Well. We had sex in a few different positions."

"No, they didn't." Shikamaru commented.

Sasuke ignored him and continued; "We bathed a few times together ending up having sex anyway."

"Did not happen."

"I even ate some strawberries from his tanned skin and of course after that we had wild sex all day long."

"That did happened, but in Sasuke's mind."

"So you practically didn't touched him, come near him, kissed him, harassed him, molested him in any kind of way?"

"of course I did, many, many times—"

"Nope, no even once." Shikamaru cut into Sasuke's words, causing Gaara to sigh. "Thank god."

"Why do I often get the feeling nobody hears me."

"HAY!" there was a yell from the living room. "HAYYYY!" another yell. "OHMIFUCKINGGODOMGOMGOMGHOLYFUCKINGSHIT!!!! Where's my FUCKING MAKE UP!!!! FUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKING SHITTTTT MY SHARK MAKE UP!!!! DON'T GET ITACHI-SAMA TO SEE ME LIKE THAT!"

Sasuke smirked. "Nope, I still feel cocky."

689

"Gaawa! Gaawa! Please, please!"

"NO!"

"Please, I'll give you my wabbit! Do you want Mr. bunny?" the child offered the blue stuffed bunny to the redhead. "I don't need your bunny!" Gaara scowled. "Where's your stinky brother anyway?"

"MY BWOTHER ISN'T STIN'Y!"

"Whatever." Gaara coolly walked to the kitchen ignoring Kisame's crying in the corner; he's been doing that since the morning. He can't show his face; so he decided wearing a hood, and sit in the corner like a retarded – not that he isn't retarded… he is! But that just makes him look even more stupid.

Itachi towed after him, his stuffed animal dragged after. "I'll be a good boy! I pwomise!"

"I DON'T CARE!" Gaara glanced around the tidy kitchen, eyes scanning carefully every part. "Where's Naruto…?" he mumbled to himself before walking to the cookie jar. He smirked weirdly to himself, his sadistic features grew bigger.

"Gaawa, Gaawa, why don't you want to come with me and Sasuke?"

"Because-" Gaara stopped, seeing the tears trickling down The little Uchiha's face. Big, coal eyes stared at him; hopeless and begging. He was about to say something when the boy started sobbing softly.

He suddenly remembered himself small and cute like that and bent down. "Fine, fine, I'll come." He sighed, looking away. "Really?" the boy sniffed, wiping his tears with his sleeve. "Yeah. Here, have a cookie, just don't cry."

Itachi grinned and took a cookie.

689

Naruto was about to get out of the laundry room when he found Sasuke leaning on the doorway. He jerked away, startled. "YOU ASSHOLE! Are you trying to give me a heart-attack?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot that every time someone scares you piss your pants like a girl. Wait, even girls don't do that."

Naruto huffed, and was about to walk past the Uchiha, hitting him on the shoulder, and feeling oh-so-proud and full of himself when he hit the door.

"Hay!" he rubbed his nose. "Don't close the door on me, ass-hole!" he yelled to the Uchiha, and was about to storm out when he found it was locked.

"When did you…? How did you..? why did you lock the door…?" Naruto shot him a suspicious look.

"Me? oh… I didn't lock it." Sasuke smirked, licking his lips in the process. "It's the wind." He explained, taking a step towards the blonde.

The blue eyed teen immediately jerked as far away as possible. He clanged to the wall, already knowing staying with Sasuke in one room was extremely unhealthy for his nerves. "What-what are you… what are you planning to… what are you planning it-t won't work on m-me!" he protested, scrabbling the walls, begging for someone from outside to save him. like Gaara. Yeah, Gaara will probably come! He should yell.

"And why would you think I'll do something very naughty to you…?"

"Because you l-locked the door!" Naruto pointed a shaky hand to the door. But the Uchiha only widened his smirk, eyes full of lust.

"I wouldn't do anything without your permission." Sasuke promised, his voice so husky, sending a shudder through Naruto.

The poor blonde, winced to the wall even more when he suddenly found that Sasuke was standing close. Too close. Invading-his-personal-space kind of close.

"Especially when you're so fragile… so cute." The Uchiha closed Naruto between the wall and his body, hands rested on each side of Naruto's already blushing face.

The blonde locked his stare into Sasuke's; "Then you wouldn't mind to let me go, right?"

"Well… that depends, will you let me have something else?" he moved his breath down Naruto's cheek to Naruto's cheek, liking the feeling of shiver that went through Naruto.

"I'll … I'll…" Sasuke's sweet lips were millimeters apart from his jawbone, the warm breathing on his cheek. "Will you be quiet?" Sasuke asked softly, his lips ghosting on Naruto's delicious skin.

"Eh-" was all Naruto could say before Sasuke's mouth captured his own in a passionate, hungry kiss. The dark haired teen smirked against the blonde's lips, and kissed his way down to the his neck, sucking the tanned skin and earning a small moan from the blond.

Liking his success, the Uchiha decided to risk and to nip his way down, licking the collar bone while undoing the orange shirt.

All Naruto could do is to pant, eyes hazed, misted with the little tingles of pleasure that started filling his body.

He gasped, when he felt his lower back hitting something cold, and found that Sasuke's hands unconsciously guided him to the washing machine – hay, where his shirt gone off to! He whimpered when felt a sudden lick on his nipple, and a pair of cold hands hugged his waist. "What… what the fuck are you-" he was about to say something when Sasuke once again kissed him, deeper, his strong hands, lifted Naruto from the ground of the laundry-room and seated him on the washing machine, which magically started to work. Causing small, orgasmic thuds into the blonde's ass.

Naruto moaned, when Sasuke deepened the kiss, their tongues mixed their saliva. Pushing the blonde down on the cold iron machine, the Uchiha moved his lips down on Naruto's body. The small thuds become even more powerfully, making Naruto shiver as the pleasure capture him body; he couldn't even control his voice; moans seemed to escape his lips, even if he put a hand on his mouth to keep them coming.

Sasuke licked the way from Naruto's bully-button to the line of the pants.

"Ah… Sasu…" Naruto bitted his lips, while trying to raise to his elbows, but miserably failed when felt something tug his pants zipper down. He moaned out long enough to make it clear to Sasuke that the blond is awesomely horny.

Pulling out an already very hard member, Sasuke smirked – hell, he was never so satisfied in his life!

"Aren't you over-reacting… being so hard – I didn't even do any thing."

"Bastard..." Naruto almost screamed out when felt a finger dancing on the his length. He put out a hand on his mouth again, becoming aroused even more from the small thuds the machine was making.

As if Sasuke's hand wasn't enough…

Sasuke licked the head of Naruto's member sending the blonde throwing his head back, trying to grip onto something with his hands, but finding only the cold iron.

Sasuke licked his lips before closing his mouth on the hard member. The blonde cried out, the waves of warmth shaking him with the pleasure.

Sucking hard onto the blonde, Sasuke swirled his tongue around the head of Naruto's member. "Sasu…ke… dammit…" Naruto cut himself, inserting a loud moan, orgasm shaking his body, making the blonde buckle his hips his desperation, legs hugging the Uchiha; begging for a release.

Sasuke smirked, letting him come. The blonde yelled out a loud, clear moan and fall back onto the machine, panting heavily.

Sasuke licked his lips from the cum, leaning down to the blonde. "You're sweeter then candy-"

Suddenly the door of the laundry room opened out, Little Itachi, with his big wandering eyes looked at them; "Don't fight!" he declared, walking to them.

Both, embarrassed with the situation, jerked a little. Naruto quickly zipped his pants, and Sasuke tried to hide his shirt (which was full of white creamy liquid.) Itachi cocked his head to the side; "What are you doing?"

"I was- We were… Ah! Ummm! You know! Just hanging in the laundry room." Naruto jumped off the machine, taking his shirt from the floor. "Yeah, 'tachi, we weren't doing anything!" Sasuke agreed. The child looked suspicious – "But I heard you yelling and screaming from the kitchen with Gaawa."

"Yeah- but we weren't- We-we weren't fighting!" Naruto giggled, red with embarrassment, still in recovery from the mind-numbing orgasm he just had to take in. Sasuke smirked and stared at him; "Well, it's most certainly wasn't fighting." He promised to the child, patting on his head.

"Hi, Sasu'e! you ate ice-cream and go' all messy! Can I hafe an ice-cream, too?" The boy giggled. "I don't know, ask Naruto, he has the ice-cream. He has a lot of it…" Sasuke bitted his lower lip and glanced at Naruto who looked like a living walking tomato. "I- You- You-Ass-We-Hay-Don't…! come Itachi, I'll give you ice-cream." He took the little boy by the hand, heading for his room; "I'll just change my cloth and I'll give you a chocolate flavored ice-cream!"

"Why woul' you want to change youw cloth?" Sasuke heard an innocent voice asking in the hallway.

"I-We-We-didn't- I… You know…! the heat! I got all sweaty!"

"Is that why you 'ook off your shirt?"

"Yeah! Exactly!" the blonde laughed nervously.

Sasuke chucked darkly walking to his room. Hehe… the blonde is horny too.

This is too much! HE'S SO HAPPY! Could he believe he did Naruto a blow-job! OMG!!! What next? Sex in the kitchen. Oh yes… so sexy. God bless that blonde… making him so happy from just a blow job. Ah. So that's what called heaven.

Yes, it is the happiest, loveliest place on the universe. Maybe he should have a nap, dreaming of his sexy little kitsune and every other way possible to molest-slash-make-love-slash-harass him.

689

When Naruto entered the kitchen he winced and quickly stalked off there but before he even could pass the door; "Stop." The voice said, pissed off Gaara is nothing you want to deal with after that mind-numbing orgasm… god it was such a mind-numbing orgasm. God. God, Sasuke's tongue is so slippery. God.

Naruto blushed to himself giggling.

"I can't see what's funny." The voice boomed, bringing Naruto back to reality. "It's not what you think! I swear, it wasn't like that at all! It- I…Well… you know… Umm… it was… ah… good –"

"Disgrace. You ARE an disgrace. YOU are an DISGRACE!" the redhead yelled.

"I'm sorry! I won't do that ever again! I swear, Sasuke was just--!"

"only one box of cookies! You don't deserve to live!"

"We weren't doing sex actually -- Eh?" Naruto rubbed his head. "What? Cookies?"

"Did you just said WE and SEX in one sentence right now?"

"No! I said hex! Yes… I said hex."

"Oh. Go get the Uchiha and tell him to bring me cookies."

"Gaawa likes cookies!" Itachi giggled and let go of Naruto's hand, running to the redhead. "I love Gaawa!" Itachi exclaimed, hugging Gaara's legs.

The redhead blushed and Naruto raised his eyebrows. Silence spread through the mansion, only the sound of Kisame's sobbing and murmuring heard from the living room.

TBC

* * *

OMG! OMG! I'm so sorry! I was so busy lately! I'm sorry**. :bows deeply: I'm sorry!** Alas, I have given you a naughty chapter! enjoy it! I will update more oftently now! 

Bye bye!

Here, Have a cookie, and a **SasuNaru Uchimaki** mutant plushie! Yay!

DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!


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